My Best Friend
by nycmmefatle
Summary: Edward Cullen talented, tortured, geeky, musician. In love with his best friend, Bella. Isabella Swan blunt, and socially awkward. She's in love with her best friend, Edward Cullen. Seems simple enough, right? Wrong. Nothing is never what it seems. AH/AU
1. My Best Friend

Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight! SMeyer does.**

**BPOV**

Edward Cullen. How would I describe Edward Cullen? Edward Cullen is, for the lack of a better term, a geek. Edward is the sweetest person I know. He is also the smartest person I know. I believe that he was Albert Einstein and Bill Gates love child in a past life. Edward is also an **AMAZING **pianist. He can play almost anything by ear. On top of all of that, Edward Cullen is my best friend and the love of my life.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, but I prefer to be called Bella. My parents divorced when I was five. Renee, my mom, received custody of me, and quickly moved out of my parent's hometown of Forks, Washington; stating that it was never for her. The last I heard, she was in Phoenix, Arizona. Or that was what the postcard she sent last year was from. Renee shipped me off to live with my dad as soon as she trapped some young, naïve fool into marrying her. What a 23 year old guy want with a woman twice his age, I will never know? Charlie, my dad, is the police chief of the dear town of Forks. His lack of emotionally intimacy and job keep him from being a normal, overbearing parent. Translation: He doesn't hover. When I get ready for school each morning, Charlie is already at work. Now on my way to school, I can't help but remember my first day at Forks High. It was in-between classes when I was being showered with unwanted attention that they tripped him.

I couldn't find it in me to even chuckle. I had this over-whelming urge to protect this guy. After I chewed out everyone in earshot, I went to help the poor guy with his things. He seemed shocked that I would even look his way, let alone take up for him. I encouraged him to not let the numb nuts get to him. I knew I was a goner the moment he relinquished his beautiful jade green eyes upon me and stuttered out a thank you.

_Knock. Knock._

I'm taken out of my reprieve by a knock in my truck's window. It was Edward. _How did I get to school so soon?_ I take in a deep breath, bracing myself for the foolishness that is Forks High.

"How's it going Cullen?" I ask as I exit my truck.

"It's going…What were you thinking about a moment ago? You completely zoned out." Edward asked looking and sounding concerned.

This is typical Edward putting everyone else's concerns before his own. I look to my best friend, giving his get-up a good once over. He was wearing a vintage Star Wars tee, a pair of washed-out skinny jeans, and his infamous, worn-out All-Star Converse. His smoldering green irises were caged behind his black-rimmed glasses, held together in the middle with tape. His reddish, bronze locks were in their usual state of unruly (no surprise there). His skin was so pale that it looks as though it sparkles in the dim sunlight of Forks.

"Oh, nothing, just how great it would be to finally get away from Forks and this wretched place called high school."

"Well there are only a couple of months until graduation." Edward said trying to ease my obvious anxiety.

"Yeah, like six." I snorted.

"C'mon they'll fly by before you know it."

"Yeah, I'll be counting down the days!" I proclaimed.

"So ready to get rid of me, eh?" Edward asked teasingly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes held the usual self-doubt and insecurity, the results of years of bullying, but there was something else there.

Nervousness?

Fear…maybe?

Of what? His future?

Uncertainty? Yes, that has to be it, Edward told me about all the pressure he was getting from his dad about his college career. His dad is Carlisle Cullen, the chief surgeon at Forks General. Carlisle is well-respected, and great at his job, it's his second wife, if you will. Carlisle wants to take his love of medicine and thrust it upon one of his sons. Because Edward's older brother Emmett is a dumbass, and Edward is brilliant, he is Carlisle's perfect little molding clay. Carlisle expects Edward to go to UCLA and John Hopkins, but little does he know that Edward has dreams of attending Julliard. Edward is a phenomenal piano player. Just the way his face lights up and the passion in his voice when he talks about one day composing, makes me smile, and I know that he'll make the right decision by going to Julliard. I just hope Carlisle feels the same way.


	2. Julliard?

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight.**

BPOV

As we make our way towards the school, Edward and I were assaulted by a blur of black-haired of pixie excitement. Mary Alice Brandon, Alice or Ali, as we call her. On my first day, Alice came right up to me and in one breath, introduced herself and proclaimed that we would be best friends. I've never had a dull moment since.

"Bella! Edward!" Alice shrieked, giving us both bone-crushing hugs. To be so tiny, she has so much strength.

"Alice…can't….breathe." Edward choked out.

"Sorry, so how was your weekend? Mine was awesome! I was thinking that we all could get together and go bowling soon. I already talked to Angela and Ben, and they-"

"Alice! Calm down! There's only so much of your hyperness that I can take so early in the morning." I rolled my eyes. "To answer your first question, my weekend was pretty uneventful. I finished my Romeo and Juliet paper for English, and caught up on my laundry."

"Wow, Bella, you really know how to let loose on weekends." Alice said, her voice dripping of sarcasm.

"I know, right? I 'm quite the party animal." I said with the same amount of sarcasm. I heard Edward chuckle beside me.

Alice rolled her eyes, and turned to Edward. "What about you, Eddie Boy? Do anything fun this weekend?"

"Oh, you mean besides my usual crazy teenage boy antics?" Edward scoffed.

I loved when he was this carefree. He's only like this when he's either with us or when he's playing. It's great to see this side of him so early. He's usually on edge, waiting for the day's attack from "the populars". I've come to really cherish these moments. I'm so far into my thoughts that I barely register Edward calling my name.

"I'm sorry, what?" I blush.

"Man, you are really out of it today." He chuckles, giving me his famous crooked smile that seems to never fail to make me weak at the knees. He is clearly amused.

"Yeah, sorry, where did Ali go?"

"Oh, she saw Jasper and scampered off. Now they are probably somewhere sucking each other's face off." Edward scoffed.

I had to laugh at this, because Jasper and Alice are constantly going at it. The met two years ago when Jasper moved her from Texas. She said she was instantly awe-stricken by his tall 6'2" frame, honey blonde hair, and hazel eyes; but she says she knew she was a goner the moment he bumped into her and drawled out a "sorry sugar". They've been connected at the hip ever since then. It's both sickening and sweet to watch them. I often find myself feeling a little jealous when I see them together. The love they have for one another is clear as day when they are together. I could only hope to find a love that strong one day.

"So, what did you _really_ do this weekend?" I asked Edward with an arched brow.

He blushed so hard the top of his ears tinted pink. "Um…I…uh…played WoW all weekend."

"What's that?"

He looked a little hesitant to answer at first, but he eventually sighed an answer. "World of Warcraft."

When I didn't answer, he looked at me expectantly.

I blinked once. "Am I supposed to know what that is or means?"

He looked at me like I'd grown a third head. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, young padawan." I said, taking a crack at his shirt.

"Funny" He smirked. He then proceeded to educate me on the wonders of World of Warcraft or WoW for short.

"So, WoW is just some game."

He rolled his eyes, and combined it with a snort/scoff. "No, it is not _**just some**_ game, Bells (I love it when he calls me that), it's World of Warcraft."

"Yeah…not seeing the difference."

"Let's go before we're late for class." Edward rolled his eyes at me.

Edward and I had first period together along with Jasper, which was government. I had English for second period. We meet up with Alice, Jasper, Ben, and Angela for lunch. After lunch, Edward and I have Biology for third period. And lastly we all meet up again in gym for fourth. We leave after fourth because we have Senior privilege. I endure Government because of Edward and Jasper. English would be my favorite class of the day, if it wasn't for Mike Newton constantly asking me out. Lunch is downtime. Biology has its moments, only because I have Edward as my lab partner. With my lack of coordination, we are not even going to think about the failure that is gym class. Lunch is definitely the high point of my school day. Edward waits for me outside of second period.

"How has your day been so far?" Edward asks with a knowing smile.

"There's not much within an hour and a half Edward."

"Bella, I've been your friend long enough to know that any and every little thing possible can and usually does happen in an hour with Bella Swan."

"Touché, so how was music theo?"

"Same, how was English?"

"Same" I groan.

"Newton?"

"Yep" I reply with a roll of my eyes.

When we get to the cafeteria, Alice, Jasper, Ben, and Angela are already there. We hop in line to get some of the barely edible food that is served in the café. On our journey to the table we notice that we have two new additions to our table. I groan when I realize that the guy is Mike, and the girl is none other than Tanya Denali.

"I smell trouble." Edward whispers to me.

"Really, because I can't smell anything but the stench that's rolling off of Tanya."

I slowly start to make my way over before I notice Edward hesitate.

"Come on, I promise not to start anything."

He eyes me warily.

"C'mon Edward. I'd pinky swear, but we're getting a little too old for that, don't ya think?"

I finally get a smile, albeit a small one.

"…it's going to be Friday night at La Push, right after the game…" We walk in on the last of Tanya's sentence.

Alice notices us and instantly perks up. "Hey Guys!"

"Hey" We reply in unison before staring at Tanya and Mike expectantly.

When receive stares back, I speak up. "Uh, those are our seats."

"Are your names on them?" Tanya asks shortly.

"Yeah, actually they are. If you get up, we'll show them to you."

They push the seats back, and move to examine them. Edward and I instantly occupy the seats.

"I can't believe you fell for that." I laugh.

"Whatever Bella, you're such a child," Tanya sneers at me.

"I know you are, but what am I?" I say with a mockingly sweet smile.

"So, Bella, what are you doing this weekend?" Mike asks, eyeing me hungrily.

"Not you, Mike." I say turning my attention to my food.

Jasper gwuaffed, while Angela and Ben stifled their laughs.

"So who _**are**_ you doing this weekend?" Mike asks. _This guy is fucking relentless._

"That's none of your fucking business!" I snapped. " What do you want, so I can try to choke down this slop masquerading as food?"

"I wanted to know of you were going to the bon fire at La Push on Friday?" Ho looks at me hopefully/

"Sorry, I have other plans," I look to Edward with a small smile.

"Wh…with Cullen?" Mike asks in disbelief.

In all honesty, Edward and I had no plans together. For all I knew he was planning on playing WoW or searching the web for porn, but I wasn't' going to let them know that.

"What's it to you, Mike?"

"Seriously? You'd rather hang out with him than me?"

I had had enough. "Yeah, so fuck off! And take the trash with you." I glared at them until they left.

"Damn Bella, ruthless, much?" Jasper snickered.

"Bella, if I haven't told you before let me tell you know. You are my hero!" Angela proclaimed.

"Serves them right." Alice mummers. Ben nodded in agreement.

I noticed that Edward was awfully quiet.

"Hey are you alright?" I whispered to Edward.

"Bella, you didn't have to….I mean… you can…go…to the…bon fire. You didn't have to lie about having plans with me."

"Do you not want to hang out with me?" I ask, trying to keep the hurt and disappointment out of my voice.

"NO! I mean yes. I just don't want you to give up your social life just because I don't have one. You should go and hang out with the populars."

"Edward, if you call spending hours getting ready just to be felt up by a bunch of drunken jocks, a social life, then I will happily give it up." He looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it. Good. He knew I'd win that argument.

When I first moved here I had the opportunity to join the populars, but after seeing how the treated Edward, I happily declined. Edward always felt guilty for taking me away from "potential friends". Even though I keep telling him that in this school of half-wits, he's the only friend I needed.

"So, have you heard back from Julliard, yet?" I ask, desperately trying to change the subject.

I reveled in the fact that his whole being seemed to brighten at the mere mention of music.

"Uh, yeah, actually I have." He smiles shyly. Pausing for what seemed dramatic effect, catching everyone's attention.

"Well," I pried. "tell us!"

"I got an early acceptance." Edward says.

I let out a squeal that would put Alice to shame. Which is so out of character for me, but I was so happy for him. I practically jumped out of my seat and crushed him into a hug.

"Congratulations Edward! You deserved this and so much more."

"Thanks, bells, that means a lot." He hugged me back.

The rest of the gang offered their words of congrats once I finally reacquainted my behind with my seat.

"Have you told you dad about Julliard?" I ask Edward, anxiously anticipating the answer.

"Yeah, Eddie, have you told dear old dad about your plans to skip out on being a doctor?" A voice that only belonged to one person boomed behind us.


	3. Cuts

Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: SMeyer own Twilight. I just own a really cool pair of highlighter orange vans.**

BPOV  
>Emmett Cullen, Edward's stepbrother, stood behind us. Edward's Mom, Esme married Emmett's Dad, Carlisle when he and Emmett where no more than three. Edward's dad, Edward Sr. was abusive to Esme. You see they were in debt and instead of talking out his anger, Edward Masen Sr. would vent to a bottle of Jack Daniels. When he was drunk, he would go into the huge fits of uncontrollable rage, and take his frustrations out on poor Esme. And she would just take them in stride, but when she found horrible bruises on young Edward, Esme knew they had to get out. So with her and Edward's bags packed, Esme went to the police for help. Edward Masen was put on trial and sentenced to 20 years in prison for domestic violence and abuse. She move to Forks, where she met a newly widowed Dr. Carlisle Cullen who had a son, and the rest as they say was history. Because Emmett never found a healthy way to grieve the sudden death of his mother, he was very reluctant to accept Edward and Esme as family. But because of Esme loving and motherly ways, it was hard for Emmett to not form a bond with his caring stepmother. The same can't be said for his stepbrother. Emmett and Edward never had a relationship. Even as a child, Edward was awkward, quiet, and shy. His red, crazy hair, lack of coordination, and less than perfect sight made him an easy target for playground bullying, Emmett would sometimes get picked on just because he was Edward's stepbrother.<p>

Emmett being the low-life, spineless coward he is, blamed Edward for the small amount of bullying he received. To make matters worse, Emmett even started picking on Edward. Things got worse as they started school. Now in high school, Emmett is Mr. Popular. He's a bulky, muscle head with curly brown hair. His boyish dimples make his smile captivating, and his infectious laugh makes him a likeable guy. He's quarterback, captain of the football team, and president of the student council. Emmett runs this school along with the rest of the populars. His girlfriend, Rosalie Hale, is your typical blonde bombshell. She's the head cheerleader, and a total bitch. I've received a many of death glares from her and her lackeys. Tanya Denali, Lauren Mallory, and Jessica Stanley are Rosalie's lap dogs. They are a bunch of power hungry whores, who delude themselves into thinking that they are Forks High Royalty just because they're cheerleaders, sleep with anybody with a pulse, and maintain to stay in Rosalie's good graces. Yet, they are nothing but a pain in my ass. They never liked because I never fawned all over them, and refused to be their friend. Because of that, they've made it their mission to try and make my days here a living hell.

"Well?" Emmett asked, looking around the table for answers.

"I-I-I…it's nothing Em." Edward stuttered out a reply.

I hate to see him so small and scared.

"It's none of your business." I turn my perfected bitch brow to Emmett. "So why don't you just leave it alone?"

"Stay out of this Swam." Emmett quipped back.

"Bite Me!"

"Ok, y'all are making a scene." Jasper always the peace maker.

"This isn't over!" Emmett points at Edward and leaves.

I am visibly shaking with anger while everyone else is awkwardly silent. Edward's silence is the one that puts me on edge. I open my mouth to apologize, when he stood abruptly and ran off.

"Edward, wait!" I called after him, but it was useless.

I didn't see Edward the rest of the day.

I hate going home. I'm always alone. Charlie tries, Lord knows he tries, but there's only so much one person can do, I blame Renee. If it wasn't for her selfishness, I would have a mother. I would have someone here when I come home. I could tell her about things with Edward, and complain about the wannabes. But I have none of that and it's all her fault, but I digress. Since Charlie's almost home from work, he would want something hot for supper. So I cook him some dinner, finish my homework, do some laundry, shower and head to be. I call Edward to apologize and make sure he's okay. It goes straight to voicemail. I leave him a message to call ma as soon as he has a chance. I fall into a restless sleep with Edward on my mind.

I'm startled awake by a persistent tapping at my window. I open it knowing exactly who it was. Only one person comes to my window this time of night. Edward. I get back in bed knowing that he will follow. This isn't the first time Edward has come to my window. He comes when the torment has been too much. It has almost become routine for us, He makes his presence known by throwing rocks at my window. I let him in, he cries on my shoulder I tell him my problems, and then we fall asleep in each other's arms.

As Edward makes his way into my bed, something feels off. The somber mood this night usually brings seems intensified. Something is wrong. My suspicions are confirmed when I turn to look at Edward. My heart clenches at the sight of my best friend, who is so clearly broken. Edward's eyes are welled up with tears that are threatening to fall, and his whole body is visibly shaking from the sobs he is trying to hold in. Before I could even think of something, he speaks.

"I've done something bad." He says in a small, childlike voice. "And I'm afraid to tell you, because you might hate afterwards."

"Oh Sweetie, I could never hate you." I said, giving him what I hoped to was a reassuring smile. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He lets out a shaky breath before standing up. He rolls up the sleeve of the sweatshirt on his left arm, revealing a bloody bandage taped securely on his wrist.

**An: I know! Sorry for the cliffie, but I had to stop there….be back tomorrow with more.**


	4. We cry, together

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I still don't own…**

_**An: I got a lot on emails about alerts and being added to favorites. I really appreciate it guys. This is my first fic, and I definitely was nervous about it. I didn't expect the warm welcome, thanks guys. On with the story…**_

BPOV

I sat frozen, staring at his wrist.

_How could he?_

_How could he just give up?_

_Why would he do this to me?_

_Doesn't he know how much he means to me?_

My inner rambling is interrupted by a sob that seemed to come from somewhere deep within Edward. Sometime during my inner monologue, he had moved closer to the window. His head was downcast, and he kept mumbling something that sounded like _"please don't hate me" _over and over again. I couldn't stop the tears that escaped. Here I am, in all my selfish glory. Pissed at Edward for trying to leave me,, when I should be comforting him. I cautiously got up from the bed and, made my way over to him.

"Edward, I could never hate you." I say as I reach for him.

He flinches from my touch. "You should. I'm useless and disgusting." He shakes his head adamantly.

"Don't say that—"

"Do not patronize me!" He spat. "You know it's true. Everyone does."

I feel the prickling of tears once again.

"Edward," my voice barely above a whisper, "do you not know what you mean to me?" I watch sadly as he shakes his head.

I place my finger under his chin, lifting his face, so that he'd look at me. I cradle his beautiful face in my hands, as if it may shatter under the slightest pressure.

"Edward, you mean the world to me. You are the light in my dark and lonely existence. If you were to leave me, I….I really don't think I could take it." The tears are falling freely now. "Y-Y-you have to promise me, _**promise **_me that you will never _**ever**_ do anything to intentionally hurt yourself."

"I-I-I promise." He sniffles. "I d-didn't know that you felt this way."

"Edward, you are my best friend. How could you not know this?"

"Why? How? How could you say you love me? Why would you want to love me? I'm broken, and useless, and—"

"Stop!" I say forcibly. "Edward, I can't sit here and let you say those things about yourself. It pains me that you can't see all the wonderful things about you. You are sweet, and selfless. You're smart, and talented. And you are so freaking beautiful, it hurts to look at you sometimes. Seriously, my ego takes a hit every time I stand next to you."

I receive the smallest, most faint chuckle from Edward. His head is downcast, and he refuses to look me in the eyes. In that moment, I knew that I had to do something to get Edward to realize that what I was saying was true. That there was something in him to be loved, that he was someone who deserved to be loved. So I kissed him. Hard. I pour all my love and passion for him into the kiss. He gasps.

I take full advantage of this, and slip my tongue between his lips. I moan. He tastes wonderful. Like honey and man. All Edward. He stiffens, but soon I feel him relax and kiss me back. I let my hands roam his body freely; while his touches are cautious and timid.

After moments of heavy kissing, we slow down to more chaste kisses and touches. When my hand brushes against his bandaged wrist, I stop the kissing all together. We needed to talk.

I place my forehead against his and I ask the question I've been dying to ask. "Edward, how did we get here?"

He takes a shaky breath, before answering. "It became too much, Bella."

"Yeah, but I thought that we agreed that when it became too much, you'd come to me, and we'd talk through it."

"But I'm here now." He states the obvious, trying to skip around the question.

"Yeah, but not before you tried to commit suicide." I snapped. Pissed that he was trying to be so nonchalant about things. "What happens the next time? Are you going to come to me or am I going to be attending your funeral?" I spat coldly.

He stands and pace for a bit. When he stops and turns to me. "You don't understand." He said, his voice void of any emotion.

"You're right," I get up and stand so close to his face our nose touch. "I don't understand. I don't understand how you could be such a coward, and view death as a way out of your pathetic life."

I know I'm being the world's hugest bitch right now, but I don't care. He doesn't want to open up, and it is pissing me off. My nostrils flare, I AM FUMING. He bows his head and his shoulders slump forward in defeat. _At least he has the decency to feel ashamed, I thought._

"He hits her, bells." He whispers the four words I never expected him to say.

I am frozen again.

_**A/N: I know, I know! I had to stop it there; it's a turning point in their relationship. This revelation will open up the floodgates on Edward's mind. So prepare for that. Leave me some reviews so I know how I'm doing. Or if you have any comments or questions. Thanks guys. **_


	5. Revelations

Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns these characters, I own the plot.**

BPOV

"Who? What?" I ask with a shake of my head.

He lifts his head, so that his eyes are boring directly into mine. I gasp at the pure pain and anguish there.

"Carlisle…h-he hits my mom. At first, it wasn't noticeable…but there's only so much that make up and long sleeves can hide, you know. And…and…" He starts to sob uncontrollably.

"Oh, Edward!" I hug him, and cling to his body. Afraid that he'll completely fall apart if I let go.

"He…he hits her, because of me. He hits her because I'm a failure to him and to my mom. And…I-I just th-thought…that if I was gone…"

"Edward Anthony!" I scold, "How could you even think such a stupid thing?"

"Don't you see, Bella? If I was gone, my parents would be in love and happy with their prefect, little, pride and joy of a son. Bella, I only make people's lives miserable."

"Edward, you can't possibly believe that." I whisper.

"How can I not? I'm a loser. I get picked on daily and do shit about it. I let you fight my battles. Do you know how embarrassing that is? To have a girl take up for me. It should be the other way around. I should be the one protecting you from the assholes at school. I'm the laughing stock of this town. I bring only shame to my parents. Ha, and Julliard was just like me adding salt to Carlisle's wound. You should've seen the look on his face when I told him that I didn't want to be a doctor. The fire in his eyes. It just made me feel even more like a failure."

"Edward, you can't blame yourself for Carlisle's actions. If he can't see what an amazing person you are, then that's his problem. But he can't take his anger and frustrations out on you or your mom."

"I don't know anymore, Bells. I mean if I give him what he wants, then things should get better, right?"

"But you love music. Edward, the happiness you feel when you're playing practically radiates off you. You can't tell that you'll be able to give it up willingly. You can't let Carlisle take that from you."

"Yes, I love music, Bella, but at what costs? My mother's happiness?"

"Edward, you know that all Esme wants out of life is for you to be happy, and we all know that becoming a doctor, won't make you happy."

A silence fell over us then. After several minutes, Edward spoke.

"I should probably go…"

"What? Why?"

"Charlie's probably is going to be home in a little bit…"

"No, actually he's not. He's in Seattle for a convention or something or the other."

"Oh."

"So you'll stay?" I ask hopefully. I really didn't want him to go. I had no clue where his head was right now, and I didn't want a repeat of today's suicide attempt.

"I really shouldn't—"

"Please, you know I hate to be alone." I give him my best sad, puppy dog pout. He could neve resist it.

I saw him struggle with the decision. I turned the pout up about six notches. He sighs, begrudgingly. _Yes! I have him. Works every time._

"Ok, I'll stay." I grin victoriously. "You know that pathetic little pout of yours is not going to work forever."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, pal."

I pull back the comforter and sheet on my bed, and slide in, while Edward just stood awkwardly by my bed.

"Edward? Are you coming?"

"Uh, I think it would be better, if I slept on the couch. You know, in case Charlie comes back early."

"Edward, you've slept in my bed plenty of time, and besides Charlie's gone for the entire weekend."

Again, I could see Edward struggling with the decision. I pull out the big guns.

"Please, Edward, I really want you to hold me." I say in the most innocent voice I could conjure up. All the while, looking at him from underneath my lashes.

His eyes glaze over, before he breathes out a husky ok.

He approaches my bed, but stops just before and ask, "Are there any more of those little tricks I should, know about, because I refuse to be this much of a push over once we get married."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I gasp and my whole body locks up. His eyes widen and his mouth opens and closes repeatedly once he realizes what he said.

"Y-y-ou want to marry me?" I ask in a broken whisper.

He takes a deep breath, before responding. He also runs his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit he has. "Y-y-yeah, Bella. I do. N-n-not like tomorrow or anything, but yeah I dream about the day I make you mine."

The dastardly tears are back. He notices them.

"I-i-ts ok if you don't want to marry me. I get it. I mean, who would want to marry the dorky best friend."

"Edward." I whisper.

"What?"

"Shut up. Of course, I will marry you..when we're ready."

"Really?" I nod. He blows out a breath. "Good, for a moment there I thought you were going to reject me." Edward say as he blushes and look towards the floor. "I love you, Bella."

Now it's my turn to blush. "I love you too, Edward."

"Good." He gives me my favorite crooked grin.

"Ok, now before we get any more emotional, lets got to bed. I am beat."

"Uh, bella…"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to change?"

I look down at my make shift pj's. I'm wearing a white tank top, and my favorite pair of cotton boy shorts. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"Uh, why would I?"

Edward blinks. "You're practically naked! I can't sleep next you with that much skin being exposed."

I giggle at his serious face. "Come on Edward, it's not that big of a problem."

"Yeah, for you." I hear him grumble.

After some major thinking, and me not moving to change, Edward finally relented and slid into bed. I turn on my side, into the spooning position, hoping that he would take the hint. But, no! Edward, being the ever perfect gentleman, stayed at a comfortable distance. Much to my chagrin and frustration. I push my ass into his semi-hard erection. He hisses in return.

"Bella, behave!" He practically growls.

I giggle. "Maybe I don't want to behave."

"Bells, I'm trying to be the respectful gentleman, I was raised to be."

"Edward, I love you. And I love that you're a gentleman, and that you go out of your way to be respectful towards me. But I really want you to hold me." I practically whine,

"Say it again love." Edward whispered.

"It" I chuckle at my pathetic attempt to joke.

Edward snorted. "You know what I meant."

I stifle a laugh and turn around to face him.

"I love you, Edward." We kiss chastely. "Make love to me." I whisper.


	6. Sharing Love

Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Steph. Meyer owns Twilight. I own nothing a bedazzled microphone.**

BPOV  
>He stiffens, completely shocked by my statement.<p>

"W-what?" He stutters out.

"I want you to make love to me." I say as much conviction as I can.

"Bella, are you sure?"

"Edward, I have never have been more sure if anything in my life. You own me, it's always been you, and should have me entirely. I love you, Edward, and want you, all of you, forever."

"Bella..." He stops, there's a pregnant pause. I fear the worst.

"Y-you don't want me?" I can't force myself to look at him, for the fear that I will break down if I do.

"What? No! I mean, yes! Ugh…of course, I want you, Bella. Its…it's just…I don't know what to do here, and I'm afraid of screwing it up." He blushes, and looks down as if to shield his eyes. I find relief in his embarrassment.

I chuckle. "Well hon, I'm not an expert. I know just as much as you do, but none of that matter. We belong together, and I love you. This feels right, being with you feels right. So let's not think about, just be and feel."

He gives me that crooked grin of his, and I'm glad that I'm laying down, because I doubt my legs would've supported me if I was standing.

"You're right. God, Bella, you don't know how long I've waited for you."

"Well you don't have to wait any longer." I lean over and kiss those soft, luscious lips of his.

As soon as our lips meet, there's like this jolt of electricity. It seems to ignite something in us. Our kisses become more feverous, and hungry. _Where my shy best friend went, I have no idea. But if he continues to kiss me like that, you won't hear any objections from me anytime soon._ Edward shifts so that he on top of me. I revel in the feel of his hard, warm chest against mine. His tongue sweeps over my bottom lip, seeking for an invitation inside. _And who am I to deny him entry? _I part my lips slightly and Edward slips his tongue in my mouth. We both moan when our tongues touch. Edward takes his time, letting his tongue explore my mouth. I don't push him. I let him set the pace he's comfortable with. When air becomes a necessity again, Edward breaks the kiss. He starts to trial kisses down my jaw, to the pulse point at the hollow of my neck, to the soft spot just behind my ear. _DEAR GOD! His tongue is talented. _I notice that Edward's hands are still beside my head, he has yet to move them. I want him to feel free to touch me, to feel my beneath his fingertips.

"Edward," I pant out breathlessly. "Touch me."

Edward pulls back from his attack on my neck, to look at my face.

I nod in confirmation. I want him to touch me badly.

He lifts his hands above me. Almost tauntingly, as if asking _Is this what you want? _Then he brings his hands down, and skims my sides with the very ends of his fingertips. My whole body shivers from anticipation of his touch. His hands slowly make their way to the underside of my breast, before he cups them fully. My breast fit perfectly in his hands, almost as though they were made for them. I moan from the delight his warm, long fingers bring. Edward gropes my breasts more fully, now, and even though it feels good, I want more. I need to feel more. So I trail my hands down to the hem of my shirt, and start to lift it. Edward backs up so that I can take the tank top off. I hear Edward gasp. I can only imagine what I could possibly look like to him. Plain Jane Bella, with my muddy brown hair and dull chocolate eyes.

"You as so beautiful, Bella." He mummers.

As usual, I blush. I can't tell how visible it is in the moonlight.

Edward groans. "Incredible, your blush extends to your chest. So mesmerizing."

Edward leans forward and attacks my mouth with a newly found fever. His hands slip behind me and find the claps on my bra. I arch my back off the bed so it's easier for him to maneuver it off of me. Once my bra is gone, Edward straddles my hips, and looks down at my bear chest. His eyes darken with what can only be described as lust with just a hint of love and admiration.

"I can't wait to be inside you." He whispers, his voice taking on a husky tone.

"Well you're the one who keeps stopping." I say, only half kidding. I want him now, and all of this teasing and waiting is driving me crazy with need.

Edward reaches for the waistband of my sweatpants, and I stop him.

"I get the feeling that this whole thing his sort of one-sided, don't think?" I say, point out the fact that I'm half naked, while he's still fully dressed.

Edward laughs lightly. "Well, let me rectify that right now."

Edward takes off his shirt, and…_holy… _

It was my turn to ogle. If I thought he was beautiful before, nothing could prepare me for the sheer magnificence that is Edward Cullen's body. His abs and the muscles in his arms were so muscular and toned. I felt a rush of wetness at the apex of my thighs, just by looking at his beautifully sculpted chest. Edward clears hos throat, breaking me out of my ogling of his yummy looking upper body.

My eyes shoot up to his face, and find the most delicious smirk planted on his face. I have the intense urge to kiss it off. I wrap my hand around his neck, and bring his face in front of mine. I brush my lips lightly across his. Our lips our inches apart when I whisper to him.

"Edward, enough stalling. I need you inside me now."

Our previous make out session presumes, and soon our pants and underwear join our pile of discarded clothes. Once we're both completely naked, Edward hovers over me. No words are said as our eyes lock with each other. We both know that this is it. There is no going back, after this. I nod my head in confirmation, encouraging him to continue. He eventually breaks the silence.

"Bella, this is going to hurt, there's no way around it. But if at any minute, you feel too uncomfortable, or you don't want this…let me know, and I'll stop."

"Edward, I'm—"

"No! Promise me."

"I promise."

Edward nods, and reaches down to stroke himself. It occurs to me that I've never seen him naked. I look down and see his throbbing member. I haven't seen many penises before, but I could just tell that Edward was bar none. It was perfect…beautiful even…just like the rest of him. I reach out to touch. My fingers barely wrap around him. He was huge. The feel of his cock was contradictory to the look of it. It looks all stiff and straining, but to the touch it is as smooth as the most precious velvet or silk. Edward removes my hand, and I finally remove my gaze from his cock, to his face. His head is thrown back, eyes are shut, and the tendons in his neck were bulging. It was so sexy. A new flood of wetness appears. I hadn't realized that I was slowly stroking him until that moment.

"I had to stop you, love, you touch was too much, and I don't want to finish quicker than I already am." Edward nudges my shoulder, and I take the hint and lay down. He kisses my lips sweetly as his fingers trace my wet entrance.

"You are so wet for me." He slowly finds that bundle of nerves nestled between my lips.

I moan lightly. "Only for you."

He lines his cock up at my entrance, and flexes his hip forward. His tip enters me slowly. There's no pain yet, just an uncomfortable feeling. Edward groans and tells me how good I feel. Soon the head of his member is at my barrier. Edward looks my in the eyes with such love, and kisses me, while pushing his hips forward to break my hymen. Edward swallows my yelp of pain with his kiss. My body stiffens from the sharp pain. Edward mumbles apologies and I love you's. I tell him to give me a minute. When the pain starts to subside, I grind my hips against his.

"Edward, move now. It's okay, I'm fine."

He takes a deep breath before pull back some and thrusting back in. We both moan at the feeling. He soon fall into this rhythm that has my toes curling and back arching in ecstasy. As the tightening in my stomach grows stronger, Edward's thrusts become more erratic.

"God…bella..you feels so….amazing."

"Yes! Edward..ugh!"

"Please…tell me you're….close, love."

We both are panting and sweat is just rolling off of us. The coil in my stomach keeps winding tighter and tighter with each of Edward's thrust until it just bursts.

"Oh…god, Edward! I'm…gonna…"

"Yes, bella, come for…me, please." That pushes me over.

I feel my sweet release throughout my whole body. I have never experience such pleasure as this.

"Edward!" My head falls back. My orgasm triggers Edward's who thrust into me three more times before he pistons his hips, and becomes very still. I feel him spill inside me. Edward collapses on top of me. We are both completely spent. After a minute, Edward seems to come to his bearings, because he rolls off of me. We both hiss as he slips from me.

Edward pulls me over to lie across his chest. He places a kiss on my temple. "Thank you, love, for everything." He whispers into my hair.

"I love you, Edward." I whisper before I fall into a peaceful sleep.

I wake up the next morning cold, naked, and alone in my bed, missing the warm embrace I feel asleep in.

"Edward?" I call out, thinking…hoping he's in my bathroom. I get silence in return.

I look around my room, and his things are gone. The only evidence that he's been here was the slight soreness between legs. I feel the anguish and the tears coming full force, but then I notice a note on my bedside table.

My name was written on the front in Edward's elegant script. I open the note, only to find two words there.

_I'm sorry._

_**A/N: Any one hating Edward yet? This was the longest chapter, so far. Also my first time writing a lemon. So…Leave me a review to tell me how I did…Thanks guys **_


	7. Facing Insecurities

Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Steph Meyer does.**

EPOV

_I'm running. _

_Why am I running?_

_I hear footsteps….I'm being followed?_

_I hear whispering,_

_I turn a corner, and the footsteps are getting closer, more hurried, more rushed._

_A sense of fear grips me as the footsteps get closer and faster still._

_I am no longer being followed…I am being chased._

_I turn another corner hoping to find some sort of solace, only to be faced with a seemingly endless hallway._

_The quiet whispers morph into screaming shouts._

"_**Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide…"**_

"_**You're worthless…"**_

"_**You are a loser…"**_

"_**No one will ever love you…"**_

"_**You…are…nothing…."**_

_I run._

_I run from the negative shouts._

_My goal…the door at the end of the hallway. I run with all my might. But yet, the voices grow stronger still. I push myself toward the door, but to no avail. NO matter how hard I force my legs to carry me, I can never reach the door._

_The voices are getting closer._

_**Faster…**_

_**Got to run faster…**_

"_**Ha, ha, ha, come out, come out wherever you are…."**_

_**Keep going…Almost there….**_

_I finally reach the door. I throw all of my weight against it, desperate for____an escape. The door opens. I am enveloped into a bright, white light. A whispered echo follows me on into the unknown._

"_**You'll never escape us…"**_

I gasp, waking up from my nightmare in a cold sweat. I start to panic when I realize that I'm not in my bedroom, but I calm down when I notice the source of heat lying next to me. Bella. My angel. So beautiful. So innocent. How could she love someone like me? Someone so damaged? I'm no good for her. My demons run too deeply. I would only bring her down. She needs to be with someone who people respect. I love her too much to let her become victim to this town's ridicule. So I do the only thing I know how to do. I run.

BPOV

Looking at the note Edward left, I'm frozen as a mirad of emotions take over me. It starts with hurt and anguish, followed by embarrassment and self-pity, and ending with pure, unadulterated fury.

_**How dare he take my virginity, and then leave without so much as a goodbye. Just a stupid, misally, little note?**_

_**EDWARD CULLEN IS A DEAD MAN!**_

In my blind fury, I managed to throw on my sweats from last night, grab my keys, and rush out to my truck. My destination…The Cullen Residence. On my drive over, I take the time to try and put myself in Edward's shoes. It didn't help. It only succeeded in pissing me off even more. Edward's excuse, whatever it may be, will be mediocre at best. What teenage boy would leave the girl who loves him, after they make love for the first time, just return to a place where he doesn't feel safe in?

It doesn't make sense.

I want answers, and I want them NOW!

When I arrive at the Cullen's, my truck hasn't even made a complete stop before I am banging on the front door.

Esme opens the door. Herr usual warm and inviting smile is on place, though it doesn't quite reach her eyes. While we are on her face, I take a closer look. Wrinkles, worry lines, and dark circles are evident. A clear sign of the stress she's under

"Good morning, Bella, dear!" Esme is in a rare form. She' wearing sweats, and her hair is in a messy bun on the top of her head. She looks as though she has been exercising intensely; not working in the kitchen or garden like the good little stepford wife she'd become since marring _The Carlisle Cullen._

_Carlise must be at work. _I thought as I pushed my way into the house. I was on a mission.

"Hi, Esme" I say once I've made my way around her, "Is Edward up?" My determination shining through, making itself known.

"No, actually, he's still asleep. He went to bed around 7. I'm guessing he's had a long night."

_Oh, Esme, if only you knew. _I thought bitterly.

Even though she wouldn't admit to it, Esme seemed anxious to get me out of the house. I was about to comment on her odd behavior, but was thwarted by music drifting from upstairs.

"Well, it looks like Edward's awake now, so…." I trail off, pointing towards the stairs.

A look of hesitation crosses Esme's tired face, before she composes it. She quickly plasters a forced smile on her face, and nods. I trudge my way up the stairs. The music never ceases. It grows greater in tempo. As the last notes trails towards me, I am hit with a wave of unexpected sadness as the notes have a gloomy undertone to them. My earlier anger is back in full force. I didn't realize how hard I had opened the door, until it slammed into the wall behind it. The music stops instantly. Edward doesn't face me right away, though. He seemed to be trying to gather his thoughts, before acknowledging me. Not that it matters, I don't want his excuses. When Edward finally does turn to look at me, fear,, guilt, and trepidation are present in his eyes.

"Bella—"

"What the fuck, Edward?" I cut him off.

"Be—"

"NO! Edward, I don't want your apologies nor your half-assed excuses. I just want answers." He hangs his head in defeat. "Why?"

"Why, what?" He mumbles looking at his feet.

"Why would you leave after we make love? How could you? After everything we shared. After everything I gave," My voice breaks from the impending onslaught of tears that are sure to come. It angers me that he could make me feel this insecure and vulnerable, yet I continue to lay my heart out on the line for him. "Don't I mean anything to you? Does my love mean that little to you?"

Edward finally lifts his head, so that we are staring at each other. Pain is the only readable emotion on his face, making his face even more tragically beautiful. I glare at him harder. He will not break me. I will stay strong.

_I will not let him get to me. _I chant to myself. _I will get the answers I came here for and then I will walk out of his life. Edward Cullen will regret the day he hurt me._

The problem is I don't know who will hurt the most from my leaving his life. Me or him? And can I stay away from Edward?

_**A/N: Sorry for the late update. I was hit with one of the worst case of writer's block imaginable. Plus this was my first time that I've done an EPOV and I wanted to do it justice. Did I pass or fail epically? Leave a review and let me know…..**_


	8. The Aftermath

Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own this story and it's plot.**

BPOV

_**In the last chapter:**_

_**Edward finally lifts his head, so that we are staring at each other. Pain is the only readable emotion on his face, making his face even more tragically beautiful. I glare at him harder. He will not break me. I will stay strong**__._

"Bella, I love you with everything that I am. It pains me that you would even doubt that, though I know that I am the cause of it. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making you happy. But I-I love you enough to not let you be with someone like me. You need someone who you can introduce to people without them looking to you with pity, wondering why on earth a goddess like you, could ever stoop so low as to be with me. You need some guy who you can be proud to have on your arms." Edward says to the floor, his eyes seemed to avoid mine.

I sigh heavily, "Edward, I don't know how many times that I have to tell you this, but you **are** that person! I love you, and want to be with you despite what anyone else thinks or has to say about it."

"Bella, I—" I cut him off.

"No, you are intentionally pushing me away and I can't for the god of me understand why. Just because you're afraid of what people in this stupid town will say?" I look at him incredulously. "I love you, Edward, and I will always be here for you."

Edward suddenly gets angry. "Why?" He shouts. "What about this don't you get? You can't help me, I'm a lost cause. Why can't you just back off?"

I'm so taken aback by his outburst of rage that I didn't answer for a minute. "Edward, is that what you really want?"

He sighs in frustration and pulls his hair so hard that I am tempted to check his fingers for the strands he yanked out. "Of course, I don't Bella. I will always want you, but I just love you so much, that I am willing to give you to someone more deserving."

"DON'T I GET A CHOICE?" I screamed finally having reached my breaking point.

I don't what god or higher power that I pissed off to have such rotten luck, because of all people, Emmett decided that now was a great time to make his appearance.

"What's with all the yelling in here?" Emmett loud ostentatious voice boomed.

"None of your business asswipe." I sniffle, swiping at the tears that I never knew had fallen. I duck my head, to avoid looking at Edward, and make my way to the door. I was done here.

"Bella, wait, where are you going?"

"Edward, there is only so much that you can push me, before I go over willingly."

With those words, I take my leave.

EPOV

3 months…It has been 3 months since I've last seen Bella. I haven't seen or heard from her since she walked out of the music room, taking my heart with her. School is worse than ever. I still get picked on from day in to day out, but it's ten times worse without Bella or her warm smile or brilliant laughter to brighten my day. When we're at school, it's like we never knew each other. We avoid each other like the plague, and it's my entire fault. For 3 months, I've been lost in my own world of depression and self-pity. I've become a zombie. I get up each morning, just going through the motions; the only thing keeping my going is the thought of Bella living her life without me as a burden. My room is my safe, my comfort zone; a place where I can hide. I no longer compose. The thought of me even sitting at a piano bench makes my heart clench. How could I play anything since Bella walked out of my life? Bella.

My muse.

My light.

My inspiration.

I know my mom is worried about me, but what can she do when I isolate myself? Besides, Carlisle is more than happy about my music hiatus, so why rock the boat? I am a shell of my former self. I've become ever more submissive, more of a pushover.

"Do you plan on spending the rest of your days in here?" A pixie-like voice tittered from my doorway.

"What are you doing here, Alice?" I say without as much as a glance her way. I don't dare move from this spot by my window, where I've been since I woke up this morning.

"I'm here to help." She offers.

"With what?" I ask, my voice showing no emotions.

"Seriously, Edward!" She screeches. "Do you really have to ask?"

She doesn't get the reaction she was looking for. I barely move an inch.

"Edward, you are wasting a life away in he—"

"What life, Alice?" I chuckle humorlessly, while shaking my head; it's the liveliest thing I've don't in 3 months. "I barely had a life before Bella, and now I truly have nothing."

"Well at the risk of sounding like a complete and total bitch; it's your fault Edward. Bella was there, right beside you, ready to face whatever came your way; but you threw it all away! God, Edward!" She throws up her hands in frustration. "Do you even know just how much you hurt her? Huh? You walked out on her. Can you imagine how she must have felt that morning, waking up to a note!"

"I thought it was the best was…" I defend myself weakly.

"For whom? For Bella or for you, Edward?"

"Alice, you just don't get it." I say, feeling a twinge of irritation.

"Then help me to, Edward!" She screams suddenly. "That's all I'm here to do. You and Bella belong together. I hate seeing you both in so much pain."

"What are you talking about, Ali?"

"She's going to kill me for tell you this but..." She closes her eyes tightly and sighs hesitantly before finishing. "Bella isn't dealing with you guys split as well as you think. She cries herself to sleep ever night, she doesn't eat, and she spends all her time hold up in her room. Charlie's worried sick about her, he's even thinking about sending her to his sister's, you know, a fresh start, and all that." Her words are like a knife through my heart.

"Are you serious?" I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Bella wasn't supposed to be said or hurting. She was supposed to go on and live her life. All of this is my fault; I've cause my Bella so much pain.

"Edward, I have never seen her like this." Alice whispers. "She will never admit to it, but she is so distraught over your fight. You really have hurt her Edward."

"I-I have to do something. I have to go to her." I say, springing into action.

"Edward," Alice sighs sounding forlorn. "I think it may be too little too late. She isn't talking to anyone, not even me."

"I have to at least try, Ali." I plead to her. She just nods her head slightly.

With a new wave of determination, I move about my room, searching for my shoes and car keys. I rush down the stairs, thinking that the quicker I get to Bella, the quicker I can fix things between us. I hear Alice's faint footsteps behind me, and I am hit with small snippets of the nightmare I had the night I left Bella. I freeze on the step, feeling all these emotions making their way to me, their prey. My mom breaks me from the darkness and its impending, relentless chains.

"Edward?" My mom voice calls out. "Are you alright?"

I open my eyes to see not only my mom at the bottom of the stairs, but Carlisle and Emmett also. All their eyes held a question. Mom was probably was wondering where I was going. Emmett was more than likely wondering why I was outside of my room. I could tell that Carlisle was wondering why Alice was with me.

"Yes, I am fine mom. Uh, Alice and I were going out for a while…If that's alright."

They all had shocked looks on their faces. Mom was the first to shake out of her stupor. "Yes, of course, honey. Don't stay out too late. "

As me and Alice made our way to the door, I saw Carlisle eye us down. He always hoped that I would end up with Alice, but he knew that I was a lost cause. In his mind, the only way I could ever find love was for me to become a doctor so that I could marry a woman of and prestige. To Carlise, Alice, already having these characteristic with her parents being from old money, was the perfect woman for me. _He never liked Bella, _I thought bitterly. Bella, unlike Alice, didn't attend charm school when she was younger. She didn't have what Carlise called "class". She had her own mind, and was set in her ways, and as stubborn as two cranky mules. She would share her thoughts and opinions even when they weren't called for. She wasn't afraid to be herself, another reason why I feel in love with her.

We hop into my car, and start our journey to Bella's house. Nothing is said the entire drive. I think Alice was anticipating what she was going to say to Bella. Truth be told, so was I. I had no idea how I was going to approach her. I've caused of both so much pain and suffering. Would she even want to see me? I knew that if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't. I just have to get her to listen long enough for her too realize how very sorry I was and how much I truly loved her.

_Hopefully it's not too late….._

_**A/N: There you have it, another chapter. Did you like? Leave me a review and let me know! **_


	9. The Turning Point

Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: No, really…I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer does. I just own a plot to take over the world, but that's an entirely different story in itself. So….moving on.**

_**A/N: Shoutout to Rebecca136. Thank you for your kind words, sweets. This one's for you!**_

BPOV  
>3 month…it has been 3 months since I've last seen or spoken to Edward Cullen. That's not to say that he has not been on my mind, because that is not true, the farthest from it actually. Edward has consumed my every fucking thought since the day I walked away. And it has been the longest 3 months of my entire life. I mope and bitch and moan everyday only to cry myself to sleep at night. I know that my friends and my dad are worried about me, but I can't even find it in me to even try to even start to care. Because the one person I want to see and talk to, could seem to careless that I'm no longer in his life. And that hurts and infuriates me in some many ways. Why can't Edward suffer? Why am I the only one walking around with a fucking storm cloud over my head? I guess I am the one who couldn't survive walking away. I still love Edward with all my heart, but he hurt me so much.<p>

Going to school's a joke, because Edward and I have nothing to do with each other. Classes are the most awkward, especially biology. I kindly asked Mr. Banner if I could just switch partners, but was met with a curt not possible. So I just switched my class times around. Home is just as bad as school. I'm still as lonely as ever, though Alice comes around more and Charlie tries to "bond" with me, the efforts are useless, because every time I close my eyes I see Edward.

Waking up this Saturday is just like every other weekend. I get up, throw on some sweats, and mope around the house. You would like I would feel free and liberated because I walked away, but what has that got me, really? I lost not only my best friend, but the love of my life, and my first lover. This shit hurts, and I know I sound like a broken record, but it does. I have to find a way to get these feelings of depression and despair out, so I get to cracking on some housework.

Maybe that will keep my mind off of Edward for a while…one could only hope.

EPOV

We finally pull up to the Swan's house. I notice, thankfully, that Chief Swan's cruiser is gone. I hadn't even thought about what I would've said or done if he was home. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to shoot the shit with the guy who not only took his daughter virginity, only to leave her in the middle of the night. I mean the guys has guns that he can legally use to shoot me, if felt the need to do so. So with a new circulation of air in my lungs, I will myself to park my car. I will not back down like a coward. I will face the mistakes I've made head on, and I will live with consequences of my actions. I just hope that Bella's heart isn't too corrupted by the hatred she must has toward, that she wouldn't give me the chance to possibly win back not only her trust, but her heart as well. But what if she doesn't? What if it's too late? This fear that Bella won't even give me the time of day, because she has realized what a waste I am, has me still in the driver side of my car.

"Are you going in, or you just going to sit there with that constipated look on your face, because I'm pretty sure this counts as trespassing?" Alice questioned.

"Ali, what if she doesn't love me anymore?"

"Edward, you just don't give up on love in three months. I'm sure that she still loves you. She wouldn't be moping around if she doesn't." She replies with confidence.

"What if it isn't enough? What if I hurt her too greatly?"

"What's the what if's? What if Ke$ha never wore glitter? What if I had never been born? What if Whitney never met Bobby?(_**Too soon?)**_ What if Britney never decided to cut all of her hair off? Fuck what if's! Edward you've made your bed, now you've got to lie in it. Just be a man, and get out of the fucking car, everything will be fine." Alice rants. If this situation wasn't so serious, I would've been laughing my ass off at her.

But once again, like always, Alice is right. And if there is one thing I've learned, you **never** go against what Alice says. So with one final deep breath, I exit my Volvo.

As I'm walking up to the house, I am hit with memories of me and Bella at her house after school.

Us doing homework at the kitchen table…

Us watching scary movies in the living room…

Us making cookies, making more of a mess than cookies…

Us sleeping peacefully in her bed….

On my way to the doorstep, I notice a car in front of Bella's garage. _Charlie must have gotten Bella a new car, good that old truck was a death trap. Maybe Bella and I could take a ride to La Push, once this all over._ I thought. With my new found determination, I knock on the door.

BPOV  
>I had just finished cleaning the stove, when there was a knock at the door. <em>Who could that be?<em> I thought making my way to the door. I don't know who I was expecting to see standing on the other side of the door, but it sure as hell wasn't him.

"Jacob?"

EPOV

Before my hand makes contact with the wood of the Swan's door, something in the window catches my attention. I peek through the window, because that doesn't scream creeper at all, and what I see makes my heart stop. On the other side of this barrier of a door, my Bella was cling to this guy like her life depended on it.

_I guess I now know who the car belonged to._ I thought as my heart broke into a million pieces.

I run back to my car, get in, slam the door and peel out of their like the devil himself was after me. I can tell that Alice is looking at me like I've lost my ever-lasting mind. What with the speeding, the tears pouring down my face, and the silence unless you count my tear filled sobs.

I eventually pull over, because the tears are distorting my vision, and they are showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Even though I wouldn't mind dying right now, I more than sure that Alice loves living. Once we are safely on the side of the road, I turn to Alice and tell her about what happened. I told her how I saw Bella and the faceless guy embracing intimately and how devastated I am over it. I know that makes me sound like such a hypocrite, but seeing Bella in the arms of someone else hurts worse than I ever imagined. I can't let her go. She has to be mine. I know realize how stupid I've been.

"Alice, I've got to do something. I have to fight for her. I can't lose her twice." I sniffle through my sobs.

"What is it that you want to do? Anything, Edward, you know that."

I take my time with answering. "I want to become the guy Bella deserves. I want to be handsome, and fearless. I want you to give me a makeover."

BPOV

What the hell is Jacob Black doing here? Better point, what the hell kind of steroids is this kid on? He's just about the size of Emmett, and only 16. What the fuck? The last time I saw Jacob we were both kids. Now he looks like he could eat a couple of kids…whole.

"Hey, Bella." Jacob says almost sheepishly.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh, Charlie wanted me to come and check up on you. He didn't want you to be here by yourself; especially since you're not really talking to your friends anymore. I've come to offer my friendly duties."

_Like that ever stopped him for leaving. And what gives Charlie the right to talk about my problems to other people? _I thought angrily. But then I realize that Charlie is only worried, and wants to look out for me, so I calm down, and really think about the situation that has currently presented itself.

Jacob was always a good friend when we were younger. He was always a great listener. With me being two years older than him, he could never really relate to my topic of problems, but he would always be there, and offer up any advice that he could. I really need that right now. A friend on the very outside who could listen to me without pity or sympathy in their eyes. Someone with a solution. My body runs to Jacob for a hug, the top of his head barely reaches his shoulder, but the hug was perfect nonetheless. I cling to Jacob, and let out my tears into his chest. That is until I hear what sounds like tire screeching in my front yard. I run to the window just in time to catch the headlights of a Volvo hightailing down the street. I know only one person with a Volvo. Edward. Edward had been outside my house, but didn't come in. Did I want him to? Was I really ready to face him? With my emotions all over the place, I highly doubt that I am. Boy , Jacob couldn't have picked a better time to visit. I thought, feeling new tears coming. I really needed a friend. So with a new sense of sadness, I got to the living room, where Jacob is sitting.

I sit down, and it's like the dam that was creaking the last three months has broken. With many tear and sobbing, I tell Jacob everything that happened three months ago. Leaving out the part where Edward and I made love. That's something I want to keep sacred, as much as I can with all the pain that memory causes. He's stay silent, not interrupting me once; which I am grateful for. It was hard enough to get through this story as it is.

"Well, Bella, the only advice I have for you to try to move on. It's obvious that Edward doesn't want to be with you. I say cut your losses and see what else is out there."

"I don't think it will be that easy, Jake. There is still a big part of me that love Edward. He owns me, even if he doesn't want me." I whisper, ashamed at how pathetic I sound.

Jacob makes his way over to the sofa where I am sitting, and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry, Bella, it wouldn't have been love if it was easy to move on from. But I'm here for you whenever you need it. And I will be here you to help you through whatever." His words bring my small comfort.

"Thank, Jake." I whisper, grateful to have a friend.

"Anything for you, Bella." Jacob says with so much severity that I look up into his eyes. Determination and hope are the two dominate emotion swimming in his nearly black eyes. There's something else there but I'm too tired, both mentally and physically, to even try to figure it out.

After months of walking around like a zombie and shutting people out, Jacob breaks through. I wonder if that is a good sign or not?

_**A/N: Ok, yes, I have included Jacob in this story. I wasn't planning on it originally, but I just let my fingers write, what they wanted. I don't know if there will be the whole love triangle thing in this story or if Jacob will genuinely just be there for Bella as a friend. Which do you guys want? Leave me a review to let me know. Again thanks to Rebecca136, you the best!**_


	10. Make Me Over

Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, just the plot line.**

EPOV

"Ugh, Alice, is all this really necessary?"I groan and complain for what seems like hours now.

The Mall. Not the most ideal place for a guy to be on a Saturday.

"It's not like my clothes are bad." I continue to whine, I even go as far as throwing in the occasional pout.

"You're right, Edward, your clothes are not bad, they're the worst!" She tells me.

"Bella liked the way I dress." I mumble indignantly.

_Bella…(cue sad sigh) How I miss her so!_

It's been a week since that dreaded day at Bella's doorstep. Every time I close my eyes, I see my Bella wrapped in the faceless guy's arms, and it's killing me. The little voice in my head, the one that always fills me with so much sadness and depression, is telling me to end my suffering and to make it quick and easy. But just as soon as the voice has me within his grasp, the promise I made to Bella rang proud, and I push the voice away. I have to get better, not just for Bella, but for myself also. I wake up every day with an unwavering determination. Bella will be mine. No other man will ever touch her again. And I **will** be by her side until the end.

Alice scoffs, interrupting my inner rant. "Yeah, like Bella had the best fashion sense in the world." She states sarcastically. "Actually, now that I think about it, you guys have the same sense of style. What with your intensive collection of band tees, skinny jeans, and vans, you two are a match made in dorky, wannabe skater heaven."

"There's nothing wrong with the way we dress!" I defend.

"What's the reason why we're here, Edward?"

"I wanted your help on trying to win Bella back."

"Why would you need my help, I mean she fell in love with you without my help."

"I—"

"You said that there was nothing wrong with the way you dressed."

"There isn't." I insist.

"So why change?"

That question stumped me. I thought she understood why we were here. It takes me a minute to come up with an answer to her question, and even then I stutter out a weak reply. "I-I-I needed…I m-m-ean I w-wanted…"

"WHY ARE WE HERE, EDWARD?"

"BECAUSE I NEED TO CHANGE!" I shout, finally had had enough. "I'm tired of being everyone's doormat. I want to look in the mirror each morning and see a happy, normal person, not someone who's miserable and broken. I want to be confident, and spontaneous, and outgoing for Bella; because that's how I feel when I'm with her. And I want to be that person all the time. So if that means adding a little change to my normal attire, then I will gladly adjust to the new editions." I finish my impromptu speech with a huff.

Alice face breaks out into this creepy smile, oddly resembling the Cheshire Cat. "It's good to see that you're not just doing this just to win Bella back."

"I love Bella, and a lot of this is for her, but it's also time to find the new me, Ali." I say with a sigh.

Alice lets out the loudest, most high-pitched squeals in history.

"Well, let's get a move on! There is so much to do in so little time." She says walking into a store called Urban Outfitters, and I just know that there's going to be a long road ahead of us.

That was the understatement of the century!

Ok…maybe…that was a little dramatic, but it's not that far from the truth. Over the next few weeks, we were hard at work on making me into a new and improved Edward. I saw less and less of my family because I was spending all my time with Alice and Jasper. Alice, an angel from God that one, didn't just help upgrade my wardrobe. No, she also took me to get my haircut about an inch or two shorter, it's still unruly, but it's just a bit easier to manage now. She even had the hairdresser style in a do she dubbed "sex hair". She even gave me tips in how to keep my hair styled, she says it looks better that way. She also coordinated my closet, grouping together the new stuff we bought and leaving my vintage clothes right where I want them. That was a task all in itself. I know I asked Alice for help, and I let her have the reins on this Make over Edward project, but I had to put my foot down when she tried to get rid of all my vintage clothes.

I even started working out with Jasper ever Tuesday and Thursday. Even though I not as weak as everyone expects a computer nerd to be, not by a long shot. I'm actually pretty fit, but I still needed to build some muscle weight and stamina. So Jasper and I started kickboxing classes down at the gym. Jasper and I have really gotten closer, as a result of our workout sessions. We bonded over the different things we never knew that we had in common. Like music, movies, and video games. Turns out, Jasper play World of Warcraft religiously. He has quickly become my best guy friend.

With all the time and effort we have been putting into my transformation, Jasper and Alice have practically taken up residency at my house. Not that my mom minds, she's happy with the fact that I have real friends, and that the house finally has some life to it. Three months ago, the house was a ghost town, but now it's filled with the laughter and antics of me and my friends, much to Emmett's chagrin. He seems to hate the thought of me being even remotely happy. Not that I'm completely happy anyway. I miss Bella like crazy! School is almost unbearable, not because Bella is trying her hardest to avoid me, quite the opposite actually. It's like she's given up. Like she no longer has purpose in the world. Like she doesn't care. The normal sparkle that resides in her chocolate brown eyes is gone without a trace. Every time I see her, I feel an overwhelming urge, just to go and hold her. To tell her that she can be happy again, because I'm here for her and that I love her, and that I'll never leave her side. But I can't do that, not until I know for sure that I will have the confidence or the strength to be the rock she needs. But I will get there soon, and then we could put this whole nightmare behind us.

_**A/N: I know that it has been a while since I've updated, and I am sorry. RL got in the way, but I promise to update more frequently and regularly. **_


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